You Are Not Marrying Your College

You don't have to love it for the rest of your life.

As if we haven't put enough pressure on kids about getting into college, we've somehow also created this expectation that when they find the right one, they'll just know.

They'll walk onto campus.

The sun will be shining. Students will be throwing a Frisbee on the quad. Someone will be wearing the school sweatshirt.

And they'll turn to you and say:

This is it.

Maybe.

But maybe not.

It reminds me of when I was shopping for my wedding dress.

Everyone kept telling me, “You'll just know when you put it on.”

Well, after approximately 29 wedding dresses and 10 boutiques, I realized I was NOT one of those people who was going to “just know.”

I liked a lot of them.

I loved some of them.

One might have been a little prettier than another.

But the prices were also all over the place.

And at some point I had to ask myself: Okay, maybe I like this dress more...but do I like it $5,000 more?

I think twice before adding guacamole to my Chipotle order for $2.95, and suddenly I'm throwing around thousands of dollars because this dress is supposed to be the one?

College can be a little like that.

Fit matters. Magic doesn't.

Do I think finding a good college fit is important?

Absolutely.

But let's not turn it into something it isn't.

The sky doesn't have to light up when your student walks onto campus.

They don't need butterflies.

They don't need to immediately picture themselves walking across that quad four years from now in a cap and gown.

Sometimes it can be much more practical than that.

Can we afford this?

Does it offer what I want to study — and enough options if I change my mind?

Does it have the kind of environment I'm looking for?

Do I feel comfortable here?

Can I see myself getting involved?

Are there resources here that I will actually use?

Can I see myself building a life here for the next four years?

Those questions aren't as romantic as “Did you get the feeling?”

But they're probably more useful.

Ask the boring questions

I've watched students get caught up in things that feel incredibly important at 17.

My friends are going there.

Their football team is amazing.

I love the campus.

Everyone at my high school knows the name.

It's close to home.

It's the easiest option.

None of those things automatically make a college a bad choice.

But none of them should stop you from asking the really basic questions either.

I've worked with students who are ready to choose a college before they've even stopped to ask:

Wait. Do they actually have my major?

Please ask that question.

And while you're at it, ask what the classes in that major actually look like. Ask how easy it is to change majors. Ask about internships. Ask about graduation rates. Ask how students get connected. Ask what happens if you struggle.

Ask what it will actually cost your family — not just what the sticker price says.

The boring questions matter.

And if they DO fall in love?

Great.

Some students really do walk onto a campus and immediately think:

This is it.

I love that for them.

Consider yourself lucky.

And then...

still ask the boring questions.

Because loving a college doesn't automatically make it affordable.

A beautiful campus doesn't guarantee they'll graduate on time.

A great football team doesn't mean they'll find their people.

And having their best friend down the hall doesn't mean it's the right academic environment for them.

The feeling can be part of the decision.

It just shouldn't be the decision.

College doesn't need to be your soulmate.